Life has thrown me a few curveballs recently—unexpected guests, ongoing renovations, and a physical injury that’s left me unable to play my instruments. As someone who’s highly sensitive and managing CPTSD and ADHD, these disruptions have been particularly challenging. In this post, I share how these experiences have impacted my routine and well-being, the guilt that comes with not handling things like a ‘normal person,’ and the small victories that are helping me find my way back to stability. Join me as I explore the ups and downs of maintaining sanity in the midst of chaos and the importance of self-compassion along the way.

Trauma plants its roots deep within our psyche, growing like an unchecked weed that shadows every corner of our emotional garden. It's not the kind of plant you nurtured or wished for—it's an invader, sprung from seeds sown by circumstances beyond your control. Childhood trauma, that unwelcome visitor, can loom over you, casting a long shadow across many facets of adult life. But what if you could confront this formidable presence in your garden?

It’s easy for me to fall into the trap of running on empty. Life gets busy? The first thing to slide is anything remotely fun, relaxing or joyful. Family tragedy? I’m in fix-it mode - far too busy for trivial things like meditation or surfing. Feeling lost? Hopeless? Like the world’s biggest loser? How dare I do anything for myself? That voice in my head tells me I need to get busy hustling for my worth, proving myself to everyone on the planet that I’m a worthwhile human being. That means over-working, overthinking and over-achieving, running myself into the ground until everything comes crashing down.  

Recovery isn’t linear. It doesn’t start at hopeless and end at ‘healed’. It’s two steps forwards and one step back. It’s a long walk, one foot in front of the other, and then it’s freefalling into anxiousness and a spiral into doom and gloom. Progress isn’t perfection, it’s awareness and acceptance.